What else is new for me.  It’s been years since I’ve had a great night sleep, with no problem what so ever and waking up refreshed and not crabby.   Yes for some people it is possible to sleep well. I have moments where I might get sleep but I’ll wake up not feeling refreshed, in fact I will wake up feeling as if  I didn’t sleep at all.  I’m not even sure if I have had 8 hours of straight sleep ever over the years.  I’ve suffered from, unable to fall asleep, stay asleep and feeling like I’ve slept.

Sure sleeping pills are an option.  If I had health insurance, I could possibly find a Dr. who would prescribe to me something that could work.  In the past, I’ve gotten trazadone, but that never seemed to work well and I was always given a small amount. I take Melatonin in hopes to fall asleep, but some nights that doesn’t work for me.   When I don’t sleep I find excuses to why, like I’m too hot, or it’s too quiet in the room.  Yes all of this is true, but if I could fall asleep, I’m sure all that could be over come.  Instead my mind wonders and thinks when it is not time to do all that.  Then I get the crazy ass freaky dreams,  where I end up waking up thinking WTF only to lay awake for 30-45 more minutes trying to sleep once again.  When it’s time for me to get up and start my day, I feel tired, and laggy.  My brain might feel somewhat refreshed but my body is a different story.

I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried all the crap they say, like:

  • no caffeine after such and such time.  Depending on who you talk to it varies on times.
  • No reading, or watching TV in your bed.
  • Don’t eat after a such and such time.  (it isn’t the time, it’s the type of foods)
  • If you can’t sleep within 15 minutes, get up and do something else, read, a puzzle, (NO TV it is stimulation)Go to bed when you are tired.
  • Get up at the SAME time every day even weekends,
  • Go to bed at the same time every night even on weekends

My all time favorite

  • Your bed is only for sleeping in, The only thing you should use your bed is for sleeping and/or intercourse

As you can see, I’ve suffered long enough nothing works, my mind won’t shut up,  I’ve tried exercise, I’ve tried everything.  This past month hasn’t been great on me either.  My brain won’t shut up about so much crap about a job, or about money.  It has even dared to go into my darkest fears about life and that is never a good thing.

I hope with 2011 something will give and I’ll be able to sleep and not worry about insomnia.


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